My Life - Under a Microscope
Saturday, Jun. 12, 2004, 5:51 p.m.

I honestly have no secrets.

I have nothing to hide from anyone.

Not even things about myself... The Life of Monique is an open book.

If you ask, I'll tell.

My friends say that is my biggest fault... my brutal and harsh honesty.

Why is that a bad thing?

Who doesn't want to know the truth? Seriously, what kind of friend would I be if you asked me something and I just sugar coated the truth, or lied to your face? I figure, I don't want it done to me, so I don't do it to them. Usually after I say something, my friends will say, "I hate you" and then admit I was right. I am still friends with my girlfriends from High School, so I can't be THAT bad. People still call my old number looking for me and ask my parents to pass on their information. My mother never tells them where I am or my number because 1) she is paranoid, 2) she thinks that old boyfriends have no business calling me now that I am married, and 3) she can't remember which of the friends she liked and did not like so she would prefer to call me with the information and trick me into telling her about them so she can either pass on the information or throw it away.

In my 30 years of living, I have received one speeding ticket. I have never done drugs because my friends did and I never wanted to look like any of them did the day after. I only drink 3-4 times a year. I smoke the occasional cigarette when I am drinking. The most shocking thing about me is that I enjoy going to strip clubs. Not the ones when men, but women. I enjoy it because I can usually get in for free, the men are usually so consumed with the naked women on stage they leave me alone, and there is good music. Back in Milwaukee there were several to choose from, so on a Friday night you would find me at a club' with 3 or 4 guy friends enjoying a Long Island Iced Tea while having an in-depth conversation with a woman wearing pasties. After Ashley moved to Milwaukee, he started tagging along with me. His co-workers were always shocked that he not only went to these places but that I went with him (more so him with me.) There are no strippers in Clovis... so I haven't done that in about 5 years.

Knowing this about myself, I still find myself paranoid every time someone says "background check". What the hell are you checking my background for? I immediately panic and try to remember all of the things I have done.

When Ashley joined the AF, I knew they were going to turn him down because when I was 13 or 14, I went into an Eckerd's Drugstore and attempted to shoplift some Big Red, a Charleston Chew and some black eyeliner. I was putting the Big Red in my pocket and I heard over the intercom, "Security, Isle 3". I have no idea what isle I was in, I just knew they were coming for me. I immediately threw the Big Red down, removed the eyeliner and Charleston Chew from my pocket and hauled ass out of the store. It would over 10 years before I would step into another Eckerd. This was one of the first things I confessed to Ashley when we met and he still makes fun of me. We can't go near an Eckerd without him telling me to duck before they spot me and call the cops.

About two years ago, I applied for a position at our local police department to be a dispatcher. They called me in the night before testing to ask me to come in. I don't know what I was thinking, but I went. I passed my test with flying colors and was told that those who passed would begin the "process of application". Huh? What did that mean? Before I knew what was happening, the officer told us they would be doing background checks AND lie detector tests. I rushed home and told Ashley all about it in this voice that I am sure made me look suspicious of something. He calmly reminded me I had nothing to hide. Oh.... yeah.

Now, as I enter the world of adoption, I again come face to face with the dreadful "background check". I am once again paranoid as hell. What will they find? Is their a warrant for my arrest? Of course not, what would there be a warrant for? Will they know about me and Eckerd's? Will my stupidity at 13 stop me from being able to adopt?

Last night as I sat in my bathtub going over every inch of my past in my head, Ashley came in and said, "Mo, what do you think they will find that the police department didn't find?"

Well duh! Good point!

So, why am I so worried?

I honestly have no secrets.

None that I can think of.

I'll be taking a lenghty break... and more than likely moving to a new site. So, adios for now.

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