Dear Monique...
Tuesday, Apr. 13, 2004, 10:59 a.m.

People ask me the most interesting questions. I don't know what it is about me that makes people think that they can walk up to me and just say whatever they want. I usually respond with a very thick serving of sarcasm, but they are usually too stupid to get it.

However, I just received an email from someone asking me why I had 2 seperate journals instead of just having 1 to cover all of my day-to-day activities.

Well, I figured this was a good question, so I decided to address it here.

My husband, Ashley (who I also refer to as DH - as in dear husband) and I have been together for over a third of my young life. We have always talked of having children... even have the names picked out and everything. I think it was our intention to be together and have children immediately. At least one... pretty early on in our relationship.

In the beginning, when nothing happened, it was no big deal... but as the years passed and everyone else was having kids, it became a huge burden. The weight on my shoulders seemed so intense I could barely breathe. You would be amazed at how cruel people can be. I won't even get into all of that, but being married for 7 years, the first thing I usually get asked is, "where are the kids?" or "how many kids do you have?" Now, when I tell them none, the 2nd part of the interigation begins and I have to answer the "What? You don't want any?" dumb ass questions.

It got so bad, I started acting as though I didn't want any. I had the perfect scrunched up, smelled something bad face and everything. "No... I am in no hurry to have kids!! Not now... No... no... no!" When in truth, I want kids desperately.

Infertility seemed so taboo... no one wants to be the face of it. No one wants to be labeled as such. And as a woman, clearly it is always MY fault. People have been trying for 1-2 years and they are pulling all the stops to figure out what is wrong... hehe... I am on year 8 and it seems no closer to having any.

So, when I decided to start writing about it publicly, I did not want to mix the 2. My day to day life does not always consist of my inability to have children. There is a lot more to Monique than the fact that she has no kids. Also, not everyone who reads about my day to day rantings wants full details about my trips to the OBGYN or how they filled my tubes with iodine (OUCH!!!!).

And that is why I keep them seperate. However, I have made it so you can now access one from the other and so forth. No more retyping in the names... you can now click the links back and forth. The choice is yours.

Thank you so much "mystery writer" for your question. Hope you get the answer you were looking for.

add a comment (0 so far)

fallen petals - new blooms